Summer break often means more time together as a family. That can be a gift. And a challenge. With more togetherness, emotions tend to run high. There’s more opportunity for connection, but also more chances for frustration, conflict, and emotional overload – for kids and grown-ups alike. 

At Cornerstone, we want to say this clearly: if your home has felt louder, messier, or harder lately, it doesn’t mean you’re doing anything wrong. It means you’re human. Parenting isn’t about perfection. It’s about presence. And even small efforts to support your kids emotionally can make a real difference. 

One of the most valuable skills we can help our children develop, especially during these unstructured summer days, is emotional regulation. 

What is Emotional Regulation? 

Emotional regulation is the ability to recognize, make sense of, and manage emotions in healthy ways. It’s not about “fixing” feelings or pretending they don’t exist. It’s about learning how to respond to those feelings in ways that are helpful, respectful, and safe. 

Kids and teens aren’t born with this skill. They grow into it. With lots of support, practice, and time. When children learn to manage emotions effectively, they develop what researchers call “emotional competence” – a foundation that supports them in relationships, school, and life for years to come. 

Why It Matters: What Recent Research Tells Us 

The science on emotional regulation continues to grow. Recent research shows that emotional regulation plays a key role in children’s mental health and resilience. Here’s what we’ve learned: 

Academic and School Success: Emotionally regulated students are better able to manage attention, handle setbacks, and engage in learning. They’re more likely to persist through challenges and form positive relationships with teachers and peers. 

Long-term Mental Health: A 2024 study confirmed that parenting styles and home environments affect emotional regulation. And the good news? Parenting behaviours are flexible. That means we can grow alongside our kids. 

Friendships and Social Life: Children and teens who manage emotions well tend to have stronger peer relationships. They’re better at navigating conflict, expressing themselves, and forming lasting connections. 

Lifelong Well-being: Emotional self-control early in life is linked to better health, stronger relationships, and more stable finances in adulthood (Moffitt et al., 2011). 

How Parents Can Model Emotional Regulation 

Before kids learn to manage their emotions, they watch how we handle ours. It doesn’t have to be perfect—it just has to be honest. When we model pausing, reflecting, and regrouping, we show them what emotional regulation really looks like. 

Talk Through Your Own Reactions (For Pre-Teens and Teens) 

Instead of hiding frustration or pretending everything’s fine, let them see how you navigate tough moments. 

• “Ugh, I’m annoyed my morning didn’t go as planned. I’m just going to take a second and think.” 

• “I’m bummed we had to cancel something I was really looking forward to. I need a minute to feel disappointed, then maybe we can come up with something else.” 

• “I’m feeling the pressure of a packed schedule. Let me take a breath before I keep going.” 

Just show them that big emotions are part of life, and that you’re learning to manage them too. 

Show What Repair Looks Like 

We all have moments we’re not proud of. What matters most is what we do after. When we model healthy repair, we teach our kids it’s okay to make mistakes—and important to make things right. 

• “Hey, I got short with you earlier. That wasn’t fair. I’m sorry.” 

• “I was overwhelmed and took it out on everyone. That’s not your fault.” 

• “I wish I had handled that better. I’ll try a different approach next time.” 

These moments aren’t about guilt. They’re about rebuilding trust. 

Show Healthy Ways to Cope 

When you use simple tools to manage your stress, your kids and teens learn to do the same. They don’t need a lecture. Just a glimpse of what’s possible. 

• Taking a few slow breaths when you’re feeling stresses 

• Going for a walk or stepping outside to reset 

• Talking through a problem out loud 

• Taking breaks when you’re overwhelmed 

• Saying “I need a bit of space” or “Can we talk in a few minutes?” 

Helping Kids Handle Big Emotions: Strategies That Work at Home 

Start With Safety 

Before anyone can regulate, they need to feel safe. Emotional safety builds through calm, steady connection, especially when feelings are running high. 

Try: 

• Validate First: “You’re really upset that your plans changed. That makes sense.” 

• Avoid Brushing It Off: Instead of “You’re fine,” try “That sounds tough. Want to talk about it?” 

• Stay Nearby: Just being close and calm makes a difference. You don’t need the perfect words. 

Build a Shared Language for Feelings 

Kids and teens often struggle to name emotions. Start small, and grow your family’s emotional vocabulary together. 

• Start with basics: happy, sad, mad, nervous, excited 

• Add depth: frustrated, proud, embarrassed, lonely, motivated 

Try journaling, talking during car rides, or texting each other emojis or check-ins. If another language feels more natural, use it. Emotion doesn’t depend on English—it depends on honesty and care. 

Teach the STOP Tool 

This simple practice works for all ages. Use it during calm times so it’s easier to remember when emotions rise. 

S – Stop and pause   
T – Take a breath   
O – Observe what you’re feeling   
P – Proceed with a helpful next step 

Build a Family Calm-Down Toolbox 

Every child is different. Let your child or teen help decide what helps them reset. 

Body strategies: 

• Go for a short walk 

• Do a few stretches 

• Listen to music 

• Squeeze a stress ball or cold water bottle 

Mind strategies: 

• Count slowly 

• Use a calming phrase like “I can handle this” 

• Write or draw your thoughts 

• Ask, “What do I need right now?” 

Connection strategies: 

• Ask for a hug (if they want one) 

• Spend a few quiet minutes together 

• Let them talk without trying to fix it 

Keep Routines Predictable 

Predictable routines help kids and teens feel steady, especially when everything else feels uncertain. 

Try: 

• Morning check-ins: “How’s your head? How’s your heart?” 

• Transition cues: “Homework first, then chill time. Sound okay?” 

• Evening reflections: “What’s one thing that felt good today? What’s one thing that felt hard?” 

Screens are okay sometimes—but routines that include sleep, meals, and face-to-face connection help build emotional strength long term. 

When to Seek Extra Support 

Sometimes, despite our best efforts, kids need more support. That’s not failure. That’s wisdom. You might consider professional support if: 

• Emotional outbursts are frequent and intense 

• Emotions interfere with school, friendships, or sleep 

• Your child seems withdrawn, anxious, or overwhelmed 

• You’re feeling stuck or unsure how to help 

At Cornerstone, we’re here for you. We offer compassionate support for youth 12+, and we walk with parents too. Whether you’re navigating the everyday ups and downs or something more serious, you’re not alone. 

You Are Incredibly Brave 

Parenting is never easy. Parenting while adjusting to a new country, a new system, and a new way of life takes tremendous strength. If that’s your journey, we want you to know, we recognize the courage it takes every single day. We see the way you show up for your family. In the way, you hold everything together. In the values you pass down like respect, responsibility, faith, and connection. 

Emotional regulation isn’t about changing who you are. It’s about adding new tools to what you already know. 

We’re here to honour what’s already strong and walk with you as you grow. 

Moving Forward: Small Steps Matter 

Emotional regulation doesn’t happen all at once. Some days will feel smooth. Others won’t. That’s okay. 

• Celebrate small wins: “You kept your cool even though that was frustrating.” 

• Stay curious: “You seemed off earlier. Want to talk?” 

• Take care of yourself too: Your regulation supports theirs. 

At Cornerstone Family Counselling Services, our compassionate therapists work with youth and families to build stronger emotional skills, improve communication, and create more peaceful, connected homes—one moment at a time. 

You don’t have to do this alone.