If your teen seems on edge, avoidant, or overwhelmed, you’re not alone. Anxiety affects 1 in 5 Canadians, and in our Mississauga practice, we’ve seen these numbers climb even higher. Here’s how to help without pushing them away.
A parent sat in our office last month describing how her 16-year-old had gone from loving family game nights to barely leaving their bedroom. “I keep asking what’s wrong, but they just shut down more,” she said. “I feel like I’m failing them.”
If this sounds familiar, you’re not alone. We work with families across Mississauga, Brampton, and the Greater Toronto Area every day who are dealing with this exact situation. Our team of Registered Psychotherapists has learned something important: the approaches that feel most natural to us as parents often backfire when it comes to teen anxiety.
The good news? Small, consistent changes in how you respond can make a real difference.
Maybe your teen is avoiding school, snapping at family dinners, or spending hours scrolling through their phone. You’ve probably tried everything you can think of: reasoning with them, offering solutions, maybe even getting frustrated when nothing seems to work.
The first conversation is often the hardest. But once you start, supporting your teen gets easier as you both learn what works. And you don’t have to navigate this alone. Many families are dealing with teen anxiety, and there’s no shame in seeking support.
Quick Guide: 5 Ways to Support Your Anxious Teen
- Lead with calm curiosity instead of interrogation
- Validate their feelings before offering solutions
- Break overwhelming tasks into tiny steps
- Create a personalized coping toolkit together
- Model healthy habits as a family
Keep reading for how to apply each strategy.
Lead with Calm Curiosity
Instead of “What’s wrong with you?” try “I’ve noticed you seem quieter after school lately. What’s that like for you?”
The difference is huge. When we’re worried about our kids, we often fire questions at them like we’re conducting an interrogation. Questions that start with curiosity rather than judgment create safety. They signal that you’re genuinely interested in their experience, not just trying to fix them.
What trips up most parents: once you ask, you need to actually listen to the answer. Really listen. Not the kind of listening where you’re already formulating your response while they’re talking.
Listen more than you talk. Resist the urge to immediately fix or minimize their feelings. When your teen says, “School is just so stressful,” fight every instinct to jump in with “But you’re so smart!” or “It’s just Grade 10, wait until you get to university!”
Sometimes teens just need to feel heard before they can open up about what’s really going on. One parent told us it took three weeks of these small, curious check-ins before her daughter finally shared that she was having panic attacks during lunch periods because she didn’t know who to sit with.
Try these conversation starters:
- “You seemed pretty tired when you got home. How was your day?”
- “I noticed you didn’t eat much dinner. Anything on your mind?”
- “That sigh sounded pretty heavy. Want to talk about it?”
Validate Before You Problem-Solve
Try saying: “That sounds really hard. It makes sense you’d feel anxious about that test/friend drama/whatever they’re facing.”
This might be the hardest skill for parents to master because we’re wired to protect our kids from pain. When they’re hurting, we want to swoop in and make it better. But when we jump straight to solutions, our teens feel like their emotions don’t matter, or worse, that something’s wrong with them for feeling this way.
Validation isn’t agreement. You’re not saying their math teacher really is out to get them. You’re saying it makes sense that they’d feel stressed if that’s how they’re experiencing the situation.
Think of it like this: they need to feel heard before they can hear you. Empty the cup of unheard emotions first with genuine understanding, then solutions actually land better.
We watched a mom transform her relationship with her anxious 15-year-old son by changing just one phrase. Instead of saying “You’re fine, just go to school,” she started with “I can see this feels really overwhelming for you.” That simple shift opened up conversations they’d been stuck on for months.
What validation sounds like in real life:
- “No wonder you’re feeling anxious about the presentation. Public speaking is scary for lots of people.”
- “It makes sense that you’d worry about fitting in at the new school. That’s a big change.”
- “Of course you’re stressed about the game. You care about your team.”
Shrink the Mountain
When everything feels overwhelming, break tasks into tiny, manageable steps. Instead of “finish your math homework,” try: “Open the math website,” then “find tonight’s assignment,” then “do question 1.”
Anxious teens often see everything as equally urgent and impossible. Their homework feels as overwhelming as their social problems, which feel as big as their future career decisions. When your brain is stuck in anxiety mode, “clean your room” becomes an insurmountable task instead of a 20-minute job.
This is where you become their executive function coach. Help them break it down.
For a teen who’s avoiding a big project, you might say:
- Step 1: Open your laptop
- Step 2: Find the assignment instructions
- Step 3: Read just the first paragraph
- Step 4: Write one sentence about what you understand
Celebrate progress, not perfection. Did they open their laptop? That’s a win worth acknowledging. Did they complete one problem? Another win. Small steps build momentum and confidence in ways that waiting for the whole task to be done never will.
One dad told us his daughter was so paralyzed by a history essay that she’d been putting it off for two weeks. Instead of lecturing her about time management, he sat with her and said, “Let’s just open Google Docs and write your name and the title. That’s it.” She ended up writing two paragraphs that night, not because he pushed, but because the mountain suddenly seemed climbable.
Co-Create a Coping Menu
Work together to make a short list of strategies your teen can choose from when anxiety spikes. Having options ready removes the “what do I do now?” panic that makes anxiety worse.
The key word is “together.” Don’t hand them a list you found online and expect them to use it. Teens need to feel some ownership over their coping strategies, or they’ll dismiss them as “parent stuff.”
Sit down when everyone’s calm and brainstorm together. Ask them what already helps, even a little bit. Maybe they’ve noticed that certain songs calm them down, or that texting a specific friend helps, or that they feel better after a shower.
Options to consider:
- Breathing techniques: 4 counts in, 6 counts out (or whatever rhythm feels right for them)
- Grounding techniques: 5 things you see, 4 you hear, 3 you touch, 2 you smell, 1 you taste
- Physical reset: Cold water on wrists or face, quick 5-minute walk, jumping jacks
- Sensory tools: Stress ball, fidget toy, soft blanket, calming playlist
- Quick distractions: Funny TikToks, texting a friend, playing with a pet
Put this list on their phone or tape it to their desk. One teen we work with has her coping menu as her phone wallpaper. Another keeps a small card in his backpack.
The goal isn’t to eliminate anxiety. It’s to give your teen tools so they don’t feel helpless when it shows up.
Model Healthy Anxiety Habits at Home
Keep regular sleep schedules, balanced meals, and reasonable screen limits for the whole family. Teens notice what we do way more than what we say.
This doesn’t mean you need to be perfect. It means being intentional about the mental health habits you’re modelling. If you’re scrolling your phone at 11 PM and then wondering why your teen can’t sleep, there’s a disconnect there.
Show them it’s normal to feel stressed sometimes and demonstrate healthy ways to cope. Let them see you take deep breaths when you’re frustrated in traffic. Talk out loud about how you’re managing a stressful day at work. Say things like, “I’m feeling pretty overwhelmed, so I’m going to go for a walk and then tackle this project.”
One mom told us she started narrating her own anxiety management: “I’m feeling pretty anxious about this work deadline, so I’m going to break it down into smaller pieces.” Her daughter started using the same language about her own stress.
Family mental health isn’t just about the person who’s struggling. It’s about creating an environment where everyone’s emotional wellbeing matters. Use our Self-Assessment Tools to better understand your and your teen’s mental health. They’re completely free and anonymous.
Ready to Take the Next Step?
Book a 15-minute no-cost consultation. No pressure, no commitment. Just a conversation about options. We’ll talk about what’s happening at home, answer your questions, and help you figure out next steps.
If cost is a concern, check out our affordable therapy sessions with supervised graduate interns. These sessions provide the same quality care at a reduced rate, making support accessible when you need it most.
Not ready for therapy yet? That’s completely normal. Try these tools first. Sometimes families need time to explore on their own before taking bigger steps.
At Cornerstone Family Counselling Services, we support teens and families throughout Mississauga, Brampton, and the Greater Toronto Area. You’ve already taken an important step by reading this far. The next one gets easier.
